Galau

Mungkin saya masih terlalu muda untuk berbicara tentang hidup
Tapi saya rasa tidak ada salahnya
Sekedar berkeluh kesah dan mencurahkan sedikit kegundahan tentang nya.

Kadang hidup menunutut kedewasaan yang diatas batas usia kita.
Menuntut kematangan berfikir dan bertindak yang diluar jangkauan kita.

Itu semua jelas tidak mudah.
Pada kenyataannya ini jelas tak semudah seperti yang para dewasa tuturkan dalam nasehat-nasehatnya.
Konon, kebijaksanaan bersikap lahir dari suatu keprihatinan.
Katanya, kita harus arif dalam menyikapi proses kehidupan.
Tapi terkadang, keimanan hanya muncul pada saat ada rasa ketakutan dan kegundahan semata.
Ini memalukan. Tapi saya pun melakukan.
Manusia hanya mencari Tuhan nya disaat sulit. Saat hidup sudah terjepit.

Sering kali hidup menuntut sesuatu diatas kemampuan kita,
Tapi tak apa.
Kalau tidak begitu, bukan hidup namanya.
Menurut saya, ini adalah kontemplasi seni berfikir, bersikap dan bertindak.

Ketakutan,
Kegalauan,
Kegelisahan,
Pasti ada.
Tapi saya percaya,
Tuhan pasti akan beri jawaban.

--
ditulis atas nama kumpulan kegundahan seorang pria muda,
Jakarta 30 desember 2008.

November 7th.

Friday, November 7^th 2008.

It’s already almost 12 in the middle of the night. The day has almost changed into Saturday.

I am on my feet walking alone from Margonda Residences on Jalan Margonda Raya to FEUI. Do you know what does it takes to walk alone in the middle of the night (23:58) at UI Campus Depok ? With those criminal scenes occurred lately on my campus; including rape and homicide, it takes Guts.

What a day. I had a long, tiring, and somehow quite weird 24 hours. I knew that today, November 7^th , is my birthday. But it’s not a big deal for me.

For me, there’s nothing special. No birthday cake; since I’m already 19. No early morning call; except from my beloved mother. And of course, no surprise party; I found it boring.

The thing that so special for me is the thing I did alongside on my birthday for someone else. Besides me, today, there are several friends of mine who also celebrate a birthday on this particular date. One of those friend, is seems like rather special for me. And I dedicated myself to celebrate her birthday even more special than I celebrating my own birthday. I wish a joy, cheers, and full happiness for her.

I am being the road warrior today. I drove my cousin’s tiny-but-loyal Hyundai Atoz. Radio is the only way to killing the silence along the way.

Two strawberry cheese cakes.

A long drive : Cempaka Putih – Kelapa Gading – Jatibening – Depok – Wijaya – Depok.

A typically lavish sweet seventeenth birthday bash of a teenage girl.

And last but not least. The only way I celebrate my own birthday:

A glass of cheap 2005 Australian Shiraz.

Happy Birthday ! I wish you will have a wonderful life journey ahead. Enjoy your birthday, girl. And just enjoy every moment of being a seventeen. ;)

A Quality "Me Time".

After a whole thrilling week for the mid term exam last week, i finally went to my sanctuary of time. Totally fucked up by another bloody core subject, which are Cost Accounting and Corporate Finance, reminded me with those harsh time struggling with Math for Economics on my first semester.

Last Friday, after i put my exam paper on the examiner's desk, i walked outside the classroom with a deep breath wondering "will i survive this semester ?". Exhausted by a rigorous full week exams, i realized that i totally need a getaway. I started out by coaching a tee ball baseball team on Turnamen Pelajar at the afternoon. This time, the payoff was above average for me. I earned almost a hundred thousand rupiah in only about two hours. Then, at the evening, i went to European Movie Festival, watched a Turkish movie with Agis at Erasmus Huis. I found it really interesting. Typically watching movies at a movie festival; free ticket, hard seats, small-but-intimate auditorium, and of course, standing applause at the end of the movie. The unique experience that you will never get at 21 Cineplex, for sure.

It is still not enough yet. On Sunday, i am being informed that my high school team will join a local high school tournament, and i was assigned to handle a team. Which means, another getaway for a whole week. ;P. I spent almost of my days this week by woke up a bit late, went to the ballpark coaching a game at the afternoon, and end up in plaza senayan or grand indonesia looking for books and movies. For me, it was just wonderful. Spending lot of time alone, which my ex-girlfriend called as a quality "me time". Scootering aroung the bustling city of Jakarta, struggling with the rush-hour traffic jam during a evening pouring rain. Tired ? Hell yes. Enjoy ? Definitely.

For me, there's nothing wrong with watching a movie alone. Enjoying a cup of coffee while grasp some J.Co Donuts at the corner of the store. Spending hours go-around Kinokuniya looking for books. It's fine to be alone; for a little while. Taking a short break of your routines and enjoy myself.

Although today i feel that i suffering for colds, it's just fine. Physically exhausted, but mentally fresh. I am looking forward for tomorrow schedule. Entrepreneurship class in the morning, commitee meeting after that, followed by my high school's softball team Final game in the afternoon, and hopefully will end up with few glasses of fine-and-cheap red wine. ;D

Spend times alone and enjoy yourself, generate a better understanding about yourself.

What I Just Thought.

I just watched the Michelle Obama Opening Key Address at Democratic National Convention in Denver on YouTube few minutes ago. Before suddenly I realized that her speech just gave me full inspiration about life. She opened up her speech by sharing her childhood story as a girl born and raised by struggling parent in southern Chicago. Her father worked for the city’s water plantation and her mom should stay at home to taken care of her and her older brother. She told so many important points of her life that she believed millions of other Americans also share the common sense and undergo the same experience of challenging life as her family did. She encourages the importance of having a dream and never let it down. Believe it or not, I cry my tears of admiration. This is the best political speech I ever heard from a nation’s first lady candidate. So close, touchy, and soulful.

I will no longer talking about her speech on this blog post. A point that I emphasized from her speech for myself is the common sense of family. How she define the word “Family”, as a sacred word of human being. How important the family is for her. She put all of her efforts to improve and taken care of not only her family, but also her society. The real meaning of “Giving Back” to the community we lived in. The point is the reality that she found in American middle class workers’ real life.

Those things just scramble my mind. I go deeper on defining the real meaning of “success”. I’ve been dreaming to be a successful entrepreneur for years. In the last few years, I’ve been so compassionate to the thing that people called as wealthy. Thinking about having my own company, being my own boss, make some money and earn some wealth. Besides also keep my idealism to create new working field to the others. I think it is just great idea of an 18-years old boy. Nothing’s wrong with my dream. Even some people think that, this is a brilliant idea of a future successful person. In the last few years, I am mostly thinking and dreaming to be a successful young entrepreneur. Sounds glamorous and glorious isn’t it ? Young, Independent, and Wealthy. What a great combination of success.

Then suddenly after I watched her speech, my dream and idealism about those glorious and glamorous life goals are just changed. She changed the way I define the word of success. She opened my eyes for the real thing that I should looking for in my life.

I am a second year student in one of the best economics faculty in the country. And fortunately enrolled as a student in one of the best university in the region. I studied Accounting, Economics, Business, Management, etc. and majoring in Economics and Business. Seems like I already started to undergo the path of my life plan. I think that I already have a clear vision about my life and my future. Until suddenly this afternoon, I decided to add a fundamental aspect of my life plan. Like planning to grow a tree, maybe I already imagine how the leaves and the branches would be. But I somehow forgot to think and imagine how the roots would like. I made a great planning of growing the leaves and branches of my tree, with ignoring the basic concept of the roots. The thing that will remains, whatever the tree is going to be.

I just realized the ultimate goal of my life is to be a full family man. To be a serving son for my parents, a nice brother for my siblings, a good husband for my wife and finally to be a great father for my child. I should be a real family man. There are tough consequences to be a successful person, in terms of career and business. It requires you to give your full efforts, focus, time and energy to deal with it. I knew it for sure, since I was a little child. Since my father is an entrepreneur. But the thing is, I no longer think that being such successful person in terms of business and career as my life goal.

I don’t want to be somewhere else during my business trip, by the time my son or daughter get sick and has to see the doctor at the hospital. I don’t want to let my driver to drive my son and daughter to school every morning, just because i am still sleeping after overnight work. I don’t want to say happy birthday to my children and wife by a phone call just because I have to travel to somewhere around the globe to attend company meetings. I don’t want someone asking where I am on the day of my parent funeral, just because I have to sign a business deal with my buyers on the other continent. I want to be the person that could be alongside my parents at the last time of their life, before they pass away.

I want to do all those family matters by my self. I would like to prove them that I am deserve to be called as a son, husband, and father, by those persons I love most in my life.

Mömbris, Alzenau, Aschaffenburg.

We will talk more geographically on this posting. I would like to give some brief desciptions about the places around the house i stayed for last 3 days. Okay, i stay at my uncle´s house located in Mensengesäß, Mömbris. Well, Mömbris itself is a quite small town located in northwest Bavaria, Germany. Mömbris is also one of the administrative district of the stadt that called Aschaffenburg. If you yould like to really know where it is located, then please go to Google Maps, then search for Mömbris.

Since Aschaffenburg is located in the northwest Bavaria, it has a beautiful scenery and it directly connected to Frankfurt am Main. Frankfurt is one of busiest financial city in Europe. Here, in Mömbris, the climate is just perfect. Located in the hill, makes the air is so fresh. As i told you, the scenery is just wonderful. I think this town is perfect for the senior citizens to enjoy their remaining days. Hahaha ;D Well, in fact, this town is only has about 13,000 inhabitants. Honestly, i like to stay here. But, since it is a small town, there is not much to see and explore. On sunday, every shops were closed. According to me, you better stay here for no more than 4 days. Hahhaha ;P

During my stay, i sleep on my cousin´s bedroom. The house has a interesting architecture style. It is typically German house, decorated with Asia furniture. My uncle, Dr.Dirk Reischig, just love Asia culture. The bedroom of my cousin, located on the second floor, and it is under the roof (attic). I just love it so much. It is cozy and convinient.


Last Sunday, i took a look a while around the town. There´s some pictures of it. If you like the typical European town, then i am sure you gonna love it.

Well, most of the photos that i upload to this blog are just showing you the scenery or the moments of truth. But, beacuse of a special request from someone out there, who want to see me on the picuture, then i give this photo as a bonus. Hahahha ;D *kidding*

One more thing, during my stay in this house, i really enjoy the culture. I had about 4-5 glasses of 2006 Chile-made Cabernet Sauvignon with my uncle last night. We talk about many things. It was a great conversation between uncle and his nephew. And i really had a great night. Although the cabernet only contains 14-15% of alcohol, those 5 glasses of wine are just perfect to made me dazzling aroung ;)

Afrika Karibik Festival

After posted my last notes, i went to sleep for 3-4 hours long before i went to Afrika Karibia Fest in downtown Aschaffenburg with my cousins. Let me introduce them first. I got two cousins here, in Germany, the older one is Utami,i call her Tami. and the younger one is Marius.

Marius Reischig

Utami Sitorukmi

Fiuh.. This is the fact that i should beat the jetlag. After that short sleep, woke up at round 5pm (local time), then go to the downtown Aschaffenburg. In fact it was around 10pm in Jakarta, then it was my bed time. Hahaha ;D I still felt sleepy to go, but i have to. There´s will be so much fun outside there. It is typically German festival !

Then let´s get the party started ! This particular festival is basically annual festival, held every year in Aschaffenburg. They are having fun togheter and raising some fund for charity in order to help our fellow friends in Africa. By the time i arrived in the field where they held it, i felt the atmosphere of togetherness. I am sure that tonight is will be awesome. They play some reggae, blended with some other pop culture music. The fest is quite packed with people from around the town, because this year they brought two famous local artists and one big international artist. It was Shaggy, Jan Delay & Disko No.1, Gentleman & The Far East Band on stage. The festival itself is last from 14 - 17 August, for the whole weekend. Last night, i went to the festival to wacth Jan Delay & Disko No.1. Tami has bought me the ticket as a gift, because i came to visit her. *danke, Tami..* ;P (www.afrika-festival.de)

Jan Delay is a famous hip hop star in Germany. Well, he is a hip-hop rapper. Maybe he is quite similar like Oka or Iwa K in Indonesia. Hahaha ;D and then the Disko No.1 is also a quite famous band here, in Germany. We stand in line at the enterance gate before finally get into the field. This festival was fantastic, eventhough it was held in a relatively small town, the people are gather around to enjoy it. this is what i like the most from the small town. and another thing, there´s so many German hot chicks ! FABULOUS ! i get my eyes tired looking at those hot young ladies ;P

The stage

Ready, Steady, Go.

Hot enough from behind. Hahaha ;D

I go to the fest with Tami,Marius,Tami´s boyfriend , and other friend of her. The main performance will perform at 23.00, so i still have some time to enjoy and relax. Marius bought me a bowl of asian noodle, he knew that i am hungry. After eating noodles, i felt thirsty then looking for plain water. Here´s the case : generally in europe, if you said that you want some water, then they will serve you the water with soda. for God sake, i swear, i taste queer. fyi, i hate the water with soda. And here, they never sell plain water other than in supermarket.Since the water from the washbain is drinkable. Since it was quite hard to find plain water, i better find a bottle of beer. And talking about beer, Germany is very famous for its brewery. We know that the annual Oktoberfest in Munich is crazy. ;) I used to drink some cliche famous brand of beer, ranged from Heineken, Carlsberg, Corona, San Miguel, Bintang, etc. But here, i can taste so many famous local brewery such as, Schöfferhofer, Binding, Becks, etc. I really enjoy it. and one more thing, the price of beer is sometimes cheaper than the price of water. freak !

Schöfferhofer

Binding

Then finally, this is the time. We are going forward to get as near as possible to the stage. But unfortunately, i just could get about 5 meters in the front of the stage. The unfortunate thing to be in the middle of the crowd in any concert in Europe is only beacuse as an ASIAN, i am not tall enough to see the stage clearly. i barely have to compete with those gigantic Aria people. Altough my height is already around 170 cm.

Jan Delay on the stage

I have to say, that the Germans love party. They always party hard ! I love the crowd so much. They do the thing that they want to do. Jumping, shouting ,dancing,singing,kissing,hugging,laughing, all those happiness. They express it very clearly. They give so many appreciation to the thing they enjoy.

I just love the crowd !

Jan Delay and Disko No.1

In conclusion, This is my first time going to the local german festival in town. With temperature of about 14 degrees celcius and some mild cold wind, I really enjoy the night.

European Getaway

It´s quite tiring after 14 hours flight from Jakarta to Frankfurt via KL. Sitting in Economy Class for about 14 hours made my ass quite painful. ;D

Now i am currently in my uncle´s house in Mombris, Aschaffenburg. The temperature was 9 degress celcius outside this morning, by the time i get off the aircraft. It is still summer, here. But maybe it is autumn for my heart. ;P I just broke up with Anisa yesterday. Well basically, i still didn´t know why we should break up, but maybe it was just the time for us to take sometimes alone.

Early morning landing.

I think this is the moment for me to evaluate my self, my personality anad attitude towards other people. This is the perfect time to think twice about how i should behave and conduct. Think about how to respect and appreciate people. I should think deeper on that. I need to take some serious analysis.

Besides that blue story, this is the time to enjoy the summer holiday. European Getaway. This is what i called it. ;D I just started this getaway with that bloody hell tiring flight. I think i still need sometime to sleep. Because tonight, i am going to the African Festival in Town. My nephew and cousin ask me to join them. I hope there´s will be so much fun.

Frankfurt am Main International Airport.

I would like to say thank you and show my deep gratitude to my best-pal-ever, Yudho Perdana, for the serious-but-funny talk before i depart here. And also for the DLSR Canon Camera. You made me able to capture the whole trip, Sob. Thanks a lot.

The end of year one.

Fiuhh.. My first year of university is finally over. All the pains, tiredness, excitements, happiness, joys and worries has come to the end. I could say that Chapter #1 is over. ;D

There are so many things happens in the whole year. I started my university study with full fighting spirit. I fully understand that there's a certain weight on my back, regarding to the money that my parents have to pay for my tuition fees. But i found it as a challenging life of mine.

This first academic year was awesome. I started a brand new campus life, the life scene that i never experienced before. It's a mix of freedom, responsibility, self-control and clear vision about your life. Many people find that campus life is very interesting, so do i. You really take control of your life on your own (except the tuition fees thing. ;p). You got your freedom to do anything you want, but at the same time, you have to undergo the concequences of your actions. Life is all yours, so you have to enjoy. With responsibility, of course.

I can't deny that i am still underperformed on my academic result. Booked 2.91 on my overall GPA is still considered as underperformed. The reason for this, is obviously my co-curricular activities. I got packed with that, varied from student body, events committee, baseball coaching, hang out with friends, etc. ;P


It's fine with me. I still have a clear vision of my life. Although there are many obstacles with it, i am sure i can handle it. I hope i can do a lot better in the next semester. ;)

Garuda Softball - S'Pore Trip

I just had an amazing trip with my softball team to Singapore last weekend. It was incredible. In fact, I am not officially a part of the team. I was there as a free raider, I mean, I go there on my own. We just meet there by the time we arrived. The only thing in my mind is just I want to be a part of this trip, take pictures as much as I can, and do anything I can to assist them during the trip. And that is what I did.

This is the first time I go abroad with Garuda Baseball Softball Club. And it was such a wonderful experience. All those young softball girls are awesome. And we get along all the way. 5 days and 4 nights is not such a long time, but it seems sufficient to know more about each other. There was enough time to get closer to every team member. Get in touch with players, coaches, to the team’s officials. We felt the togetherness that we build long before this trip.

Having friendly matches, going shopping, and dining out are the favorite things to be done during this trip. It was an experience and togetherness-rich trip. I really enjoy it, and would never forget it. It gives me a break during my short semester at campus. And it was like a weekend getaway for me from my hectic and challenging life. Breath some fresh air abroad together with those lovely people, and forget the recent most challenging obstacle in my life, for a while.

I am sick of it

I think, recently (about last six months) I am in the lowest part of my life. Besides those life’s shits that I have explain on my last blog post, my health also has worsen for few recent months. Started with the itchy things on my skins, that doctor said it was because of some kinds of fungi. After that itchy accident, I pays a lot better attention to my body and room cleanness. ;P haha.. not stop there, two weeks ago, I decided to undergone the surgery for my Verruca Plantaris. Although the surgery itself is not that painful, the recovery process is take quite sometimes. Since it is located in the center of my heels. As we know that the heels is the important part of our feet that support our body weight. It’s been two weeks now after that minor surgery, but the wound still not healed, yet.

While I am still having trouble to put my shoes on and walk normally, I suffering another disease. Holy shit. This time the problem is on my mouth. My girlfriend said it was because I am having too big mouth, and have to control every single word that go out of it. ;0 at first, I think it just a usual ulcer. Hence it size is too big and it is spread out at several point of my mouth, I started wondering and sure that there is something wrong about this ulcer. I decided to see the doctor this morning and finally found out that I am suffering for Candida Infection (Moniliasis / Candidiasis). Once again, holy shit. I am not finish dealing with my feet recovery, then I have to struggle with this painful and discomforting infection on my mouth.

About this mouth problem, there is one special fact that I figured out. Based on my own research on wikipedia and also from my doctor’s explanation, the main reasons of that moniliasis are, of course, the recent weak body immune system and also the psychological factor that saying I am stressed. The doctor suggests me to consume more vegetables and fruits to strengthen my immunity. But the fun fact for me is, I have been trying to be strong and always saying to my self and to the other that I am strong enough to face all these life reality. I always tries to be never distracted by my not good family condition. I think my psychology is strong enough to face and not being stressed by this family matters. But this moniliasis proves that my body shows the sign that I am stressed. Wow. ;( 

I really screwed up lately. This afternoon, few friends comment on me with asking what the hell wrong with me. Looking up my messy hair, unshaved mustache, and that big ulcer on my lips. I look really fucked up.

Whatever happen to me, and no matter how harsh it was, God definitely always do have plan for me. So, just be patient and see, what will happen next

A New Start-Up Life.

It’s been almost a year since my last blog post. Finally, I decided to create a new blog on Blogger. Since I think my friendster blog is not competent anymore. ;P

I think, I will re post some of my blog posts from my friendster blog to this new blog. So, people who still want to read it, should not have to go there.

Many things happen, so many things changed since August 2007, now is June 2008. It’s almost a year. I went through a very challenging year. I finally finished my first year of my university study, the thing that is not easy at all. And now I am studying for the short semester, retaking one subject that I failed on my first semester. And yes, you guys are true, that is Mathematics. Even though I am not that good at math, but I learned to love it, lately. My overall GPA is just 2.92, which is still less that 3. Maybe that’s all about my academic life. Oh yeah, one additional information about my campus life, is that I am joining the faculty’s student body as a external affairs staff.

Academic life is just a part of my whole life. My relationship with my girlfriend, Anisa, goes well. With some little turbulence on it, sometimes. But it is still great. We have been going for about eight months yet. And I hope, both of us could enjoy it and get the essences of our relationship.

As I told earlier, I went through many things this year that related to many life’s aspects of mine. Good, bad. Great, worst. Personality, morality, ability, attitude, behavior, spiritual, family matters and so on. You name it.

The biggest challenge of my recent life is coming from my family. There are several obstacles and burdens on it. My family condition is not that good lately. Especially about the relationship between my parents. But, that’s the fact. The reality of life. I have to be stronger to face the reality of life. The more harsh it be, the more stronger I will be. Never run away, just face it. You will never walk alone, like the Liverpool FC’s tagline said. The essence about family is harmony and joy. If there is no more joy and harmony on it, maybe you just better stop it. I mean, in your life, you have to be able to enjoy every single thing and moment of your life. Because what we are pursuing in life is the happiness. Every person has their full rights to be happy. With this recent circumstance on my family condition, I have to be ready to face every single possibility. Including divorce. There’s obligation for me to take care of my mother, brother and sister if something bad happen in the near future. the only thing in my mind now is, even though I never ever think of my parents’ divorce, but I should be ready and prepared if it happen. But once again, I never ever imagine or think about this catastrophic possibility.

The first thing first. Now, the most important thing for me to do is take a very good care of my own self, in order to take care the rest of my family members. I should have a clear vision of my own future, and I have to stick with it. Never let anything screw it up. Never ever. I have my life goal, dreams and plan. And I have to stick with it, whatever it takes.

You could classify this blog post as whatever you like, whether you think it is a kind of satire, drama, personal story telling or whatever. But one thing, this is a reality of life.